Jerasphere

This is...

2012-02-01T14:40:00.001-05:00

...the background on my work computer. How jealous are you?

RIP Don Cornelius

2012-02-01T10:58:00.002-05:00

Thank you so much for bringing some funk into this white bread world of mine.

My Sunday

2012-01-31T17:07:00.001-05:00

Last Sunday my entire day consisted of all 6 Star Wars movies and tacos.

This....

2012-01-31T15:56:00.001-05:00

...is the gayest thing you will see today.

It Breaks & Warms My Heart

2012-01-25T11:52:00.001-05:00

all at the same time.

10 Presidential Traits Everyone Should Have

2012-01-20T14:59:00.002-05:00

You may never reach the Oval Office, but you can learn a lot about being a good leader from the men who have lead our country. And whether you're The Big Man or the low man on the totem pole, their lessons will make you a better person.

Respect
John F. Kennedy called himself a doughnut in front of 120,000 Berliners. So what? At least he tried to speak the local language.

Patience
John F. Kennedy cooled out the Soviets during the Cuban missile crisis by lighting up a Havana, not lighting up Havana. Think about that the next time you reach for the red phone beside your desk.

Open-Mindedness
Want good advice? Go to someone you usually disagree with. Lincoln staffed his cabinet with opponents, so surely you can ask a Red Sox fan what he thinks of Jeter. He may just surprise you.

Enthusiasm
The best ideas draw the most criticism. Maintain your passion and your smile, and others will want to join your cause.

Accountability
The bigger the blunder, the greater the apology. Clinton said sorry eight times for Monica Lewinsky. Makes you wonder what we still don't know . . .

Humility
George W. Bush meant well during his dance-off with African performers, but he ended up as a YouTube punch line. Knowing your weaknesses is just as important as touting your strengths.
Empathy
Judge others in the context of their worlds, not yours. Men in Papua New Guinea wear penis gourds. Dumb? Well, guess what they think of your 15 mpg SUV.

Responsibility
It doesn't matter if you're commander-in-chief or branch manager: If you don't know what your troops are doing, you're probably too far removed from the battlefield.

Initiative
Always talk more about what you want to do than what you've already done. The only person who cares about your résumé is the guy copying it at Kinko's.

Diplomacy
When your girlfriend asks you how she looks, treat her like a rogue nation-state with an arsenal of nukes. A conflict-free resolution is the only sure way to avoid lasting collateral damage.

source

WHY did I not think of this

2012-01-20T14:31:00.000-05:00

Awesomist

2012-01-20T13:46:00.002-05:00

Just because it made me feel warm today

2012-01-20T11:54:00.002-05:00

What a weekend!!

2012-01-17T15:37:00.003-05:00

I had an amazing weekend filled with winning, celebrating, friendship, laughing, spreading cheer, and practicing random acts of kindness. Now, bring on the week ahead!!

WWTBD?

2012-01-13T16:49:00.005-05:00

What Would Tom Brady Do? I am hoping WIN!!!

If you have not seen this, you really should!

Did you notice

2012-01-09T11:36:00.003-05:00

So have you noticed that I was gone? I must admit that I have missed this little blog.

Let me start by why I stopped. I hit a rough spot. Some would say a speed bump, I think it was more like a road closed for repairs. I was the work crew, I repaired a few broken parts of my road, over spent on some of it, and even extended it. Now I am on a new road and looking forward to what lay ahead of me.

Some great news: I am working again!! This does wonders for one's personality, self esteem, and self worth. Not that our jobs make up who we are; however, they do try and give us some peace of mind. If nothing else, I know I have a place to go and they will give me a paycheck. Now I on the other hand, I have an amazing job with a phenomenal company. I hated the hell I had to go through at the last place and the emptiness of being unemployed for over 2 years, but I love where it has brought me. Relaxed, laid back, and much more positive and totally more accepting and prepared for what all the universe can and will dish out. Bumps in the road from time to time just like everyone has... don't get me wrong... but tiny tiny ones now.

I am so thrilled to be back and will do better about updating from here on out. Promise. I am completely overjoyed that you are reading this and didn't give up on me. Hopefully I will get some new kids to join us too. There is nothing but love for my fellow "sphererist"

2011-03-20T22:10:00.000-04:00

I seem to have a case of the Mondays today. The only problem, today is Sunday.

2011-03-20T19:32:00.000-04:00

2011-02-21T01:09:00.001-05:00

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

Hip Hop Friday

2011-02-11T00:56:00.002-05:00

2011-02-04T00:45:00.000-05:00

ATTENTION!

2011-02-03T11:33:00.004-05:00

This now my new motto on life. I have Greta to thank for it

source

it is an age thing...

2011-02-01T04:34:00.002-05:00

A Vicious Cyle

2011-01-31T17:24:00.004-05:00

Every time I hear this phrase, this is what comes to mind.

I bought checkered sneakers in 8th grade

2011-01-31T17:03:00.003-05:00

Stereotyping people by their favorite ‘indie’ bands.

The XX
Blog enthusiasts who thought wearing a keffiyeha was awesome.

Passion Pit
Bros vaguely interested in listening to music and very interested in having sex with their girlfriend.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Girls who bought checkered sneakers in the 8th grade.

Fleet Foxes
Hopelessly patchy beard growers.

TV On The Radio
Politically-correct hipsters.

Grizzly Bear
People who think that world hunger could be assuaged with four part harmonies.

Micachu and the Shapes
Chicks with bad teeth.

Wavves
Dudes who think low production value is “authentic” and would go down on Todd P.

Steve Aoki
Alts who don’t “get” Hipster Runoff.

Joanna Newsom
People who have considered befriending a squirrel.

Devendra Banhart
People who have considered becoming a squirrel.

Animal Collective
Guys who make “Best of the Year” lists in January based predominantly on “feeling.”

The Antlers
Boys who enjoy crying more than their girlfriend.

Vivian Girls
Girls who purchase a guitar, buy flannel from the Salvation Army, wear glasses that they don’t actually need, and still can’t get the guy.

Vampire Weekend
Bros who try to make out with girls at concerts by relating to them via old Nickelodeon shows. “Remember Pete & Pete??”

Death Cab for Cutie
Girls who quote lyrics as their Facebook status.

Neon Indian
Gorilla Vs. Bear readers.

She & Him
People who hate Ben Gibbard.

Bon Iver
People with self-esteem issues and probably hate Ben Gibbard.

Washed Out
Those who comfortably accept chillwave as a genre.

Memory Tapes
Those who comfortably accept chillwave as a lifestyle.

The Shins
Premature alts who considered Garden State a life-altering viewing experience.

Radiohead
Everyone.

Tegan & Sara
Lesbians and guys who firmly believe that when there are two girls on stage together, there is a 63% chance of them making out.

St. Vincent
Feminists.

Drake
Indie rap fans who thought Tha Carter III was too mainstream.

Ra Ra Riot
Girls who got their boyfriends to watch Me and You and Everyone We Know.

Bat for Lashes
Girls who wear leggings outside of ’80s-themed parties.

Japandroids
Guys who only read Pitchfork for the ratings and haven’t showered in at least two days.

Kimya Dawson
Chicks who are described by their girlfriends as “sweet” and “really nice” when guys ask if their friend is hot.

Girls
Anyone who thinks The Catcher in Rye is the greatest book of all time.

Kid Cudi
Blipsters who still wear neon shoes and smoke pot.

The Flaming Lips
Self-actualized bros who grow pot.

Antony and the Johnsons
Guys who still cry every time they watch Bambi.

Matt and Kim
Closeted Blink-182 enthusiasts.

Here We Go Magic
Guys who are ‘over’ Gizzly Bear.

Phoenix
People who don’t listen to enough music.

Sufjan Stevens
People who believe in two things: Jesus and Juno.

M.I.A.
Girls who don’t understand politics.

Regina Spektor
Girls who don’t understand boys.

Justice
Bros who, at one point in their lives, have tried to grow a mustache.

Arcade Fire
Frequent transcendental experience havers.

Deerhunter
Avid doodlers.

Wilco
Guys who go to concerts to relax.

YACHT
Someone who, if presented with the opportunity to join a cult, would most definitely join that cult.

Ratatat
Boys who think Ocarina of Time is the greatest game ever made.

Patrick Wolf
Gay guys.

CSS
Girls who throw up at every party.

Woods
Indie dudes who wear beanies and you can see the front of their hair pulled back beneath it.

Spoon
Bros who drink shitty beer without ironic intentions.

Dirty Projectors
People who like way too many toppings on their pizza.

Interpol
Dudes who are thwarted by the Chinese finger trap every single time.

Black Lips
Guys who don’t get jobs because their potential employer discovered photos of them bro-icing on Facebook.

Girl Talk
Bar Mitzvah crashers.

Fucked Up
People who wish they could mosh with Shrek, Snorlax, and Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

Wolf Parade
People who throw a shitfit when someone suggests that there are too many indie bands named after animals.

Hot Chip
Men who used the cheat code to see naked, poorly-rendered 3D figures showering in The Sims.

Surfer Blood
That sweaty dude in the mosh pit who referred to your girlfriend as “Baberaham Lincoln.”

Best Coast
The girl who tries to hook up with that same sweaty dude by bragging about her cat.

Toro Y Moi
Deceptively straight males who think “riding the chillwave” is a national pastime.

The National
Dudes who would rather play chess than Hungry Hungry Hippos: The Drinking Game.

Ninjasonik
Guys who are always worried they accidently impregnated their girlfriends.

Crystal Castles
Bitches who think it’s okay to scratch guys who misbehave. And the boys who buy them soy lattes.

Sleigh Bells
Chicks and dudes who semi-ironically aspire to “Superman dat ho” at an indie rock concert.

MGMT
Pre-Congratulations: 81% of College Freshmen. Post-Congratulations: Guys who consider the ability to store 13 pencils in their hair to be an evolutionary advantage.

Dan Deacon
Smelly, un-self-aware hipsters who wear mal-fitting baseball caps and probably attend SUNY Purchase.

Andrew Bird
Girls who get sexually aroused by traditional avian mating calls.

Of Montreal
Guys who bought kaliedscopes with their Chuck E. Cheese tickets.

Broken Social Scene
People who fantasize about riding an eight-person, single-gear bicycle to the Brooklyn Bowl.

HEALTH
Guys who lit fires in their backyards before hitting puberty. Then they took up smoking.

Cat Power
Mediocre-looking girls who put Zooey Deschanel as their doppelganger on Facebook.

Iron and Wine
Grown men who always get roped into being the DD for “Ladies Night Out” with their mother and her coworkers from Office Depot.

Pavement
Stay-at-home dads.

M. Ward
Lonely, chronic masturbators who end up settling for the Cat Power chicks.

Sonic Youth
Guys who mistake their blender for a radio.

Modest Mouse
People who expressed legitimate concern regarding the state of humanity when J.D. Salinger died.

The Decemberists
Virgins, not in the name of God, but as a result of valiant attempts to achieve poetic justice

source

2011-01-19T02:20:00.001-05:00

I give Dweebist full props on this one.

2011-01-19T02:18:00.000-05:00

which one are you?

2011-01-19T02:15:00.001-05:00

I admit it, I am the one with the big shovel.

Hello 41

2010-12-17T17:07:00.003-05:00

This last Wednesday (15th) I officially celebrated 41 years of service to this world.
You're welcome.

Google Beatbox

2010-12-02T16:17:00.002-05:00

ok here's the situation

1. Go to Google Translate
2. Translate from German to German
3. Copy and paste this string into the translation box: pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpvpzk kkkkk bsch
4. Turn up your speakers
5. Click LISTEN
6. Work it out!

2010-12-02T15:14:00.001-05:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2010-11-25T14:21:00.002-05:00

if you haven't yet, you must...

2010-11-21T23:27:00.001-05:00

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

2010-11-21T23:23:00.000-05:00

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~Groucho Marx

2010-11-04T17:06:00.000-04:00

I only want to eat off these from now on. Spoonachos FTW!

2010-09-19T02:15:00.001-04:00

2010-09-13T22:15:00.001-04:00

‎I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming.
"You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?"
"Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."
It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold.
But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

mixed signals

2010-09-13T04:16:00.001-04:00

I am getting mixed signals here....

2010-09-13T03:40:00.000-04:00

2010-09-12T03:46:00.000-04:00

zombie apocalypse

2010-09-11T08:31:00.002-04:00

I am thinking that I could be screwed. Next to me on my left is an external speaker used for my iPhone, Zune, or laptop. So unless zombies can be taken down by listening to some bad music (that I will have to download in a hurry) then it seems like I will among the brain sucking living dead. brrrraaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnsssssss

2010-09-11T03:59:00.000-04:00

I'm trying...

2010-09-09T17:37:00.002-04:00

I am trying really hard to achieve this...

Friday night

2010-08-28T02:52:00.002-04:00

My favorite Friday night activity. Baby seal clubbin'

2010-07-18T04:06:00.000-04:00

see more Señor Gif

Readers by Authors

2010-07-18T01:48:00.004-04:00

I don't know you Lauren Leto, but I would love to buy you a drink sometime.

Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author

J.D. Salinger Kids who don’t fit in (duh).

Stephenie Meyer People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3>

J.K. Rowling Smart geeks.

Jack Kerouac Umphrey’s McGee fans.

Jeffrey Eugenides Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger.

Lauren Weisberger Girls who can’t read. Or think.

Jonathan Safran Foer 30somethings who were cool when they were 20something.

Jodi Picoult Your mom when she’s at her time of the month.

Chuck Klosterman Boys who don’t read.

Chuck Palahniuk Boys who can’t read.

Christopher Hitchens People I would love to hang out with.

Leo Tolstoy Guys I want to date.

Fyodor Dostoevsky Guys I want to sleep with. (The difference between the two Russian authors lies in the fact that I think the Underground Man is sexier than Pierre Buzukhov).

Christopher Buckley (or William F. Buckley) People who love excess verbiage.

Ayn Rand Workaholics seeking validation.

David Foster Wallace Confirmed 90’s literati.

Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters) Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.

Haruki Murakami People who like good music.

Ralph Waldo Emerson People who can start a fire.

Nathaniel Hawthorne People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants.

Charles Dickens Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.

William Shakespeare People who like bondage.

Mark Twain Liars.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle People who drink scotch.

Joseph Conrad People who drink old fashioneds.

Dominick Dunne People who get their class from Vanity Fair.

Anne Rice People who don’t use conditioner in their hair.

Edgar Allan Poe Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders.

Michael Crichton Doctors who went to third-tier medical schools.

John Grisham Doctors who went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic.

Dan Brown People who used to get lost in supermarkets when they were kids.

Dave Eggers Guys who are in the third coolest frat of a private college.

Emily Giffin Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums.

Richard Russo People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”.

Anais Nin Librarians.

Margaret Atwood Women whose favorite color is hunter green.

William Faulkner People who are good at crosswords.

Jackie Collins Your drunk stepmother.

Nicholas Sparks Women who are usually constipated.

James Patterson Men who score a 153 on their LSAT exam.

Sylvia Plath Girls who keep journals (too easy).

George Orwell Conspiracy theorists (too easy).

Aldous Huxley People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans.

Harper Lee People who have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade).

Nick Hornby Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them.

Ernest Hemingway Men who own cottages.

F. Scott Fitzgerald People who get adjustable-rate mortgages.

Vladimir Nabokov Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’.

Friedrich Nietzsche Sommeliers.

Bret Easton Ellis Foo Fighters’ fans.

Hunter S Thompson That kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo.

Cormac McCarthy Men who don’t eat cream cheese.

Thomas Aquinas Premature ejaculators.

Pearl S. Buck Women whose favorite president was Harry S. Truman.

Toni Morrison Female high-school English professors who only have an undergraduate degree.

Thomas Pynchon People who used to be fans of J.D. Salinger.

Elizabeth Gilbert Women who liked the movie “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” but didn’t read the book.

Rebecca Wells Women on the East coast who wish they were from the South.

Tama Janowitz Cougars who went to an urban college in the 80s.

Alice Sebold People who liked Gilmore Girls – even in the first season.

Michael Swanwick Men who argue Neil Gaiman is overrated.

Terry Goodkind People who have never been dungeons master but still play D&D.

Stephen King 11th graders who peed their pants while watching the movie It.

H.P. Lovecraft People who can quote the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons.

Brothers Grimm Only children with Oedipal complexes.

Lewis Carroll People who move to Thailand after high school for the drug scene.

C.S. Lewis Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade.

Elmore Leonard People who know how to perform a “Michigan left”.

Shel Silverstein Girls who can’t spell “leheim”.

Douglas Adams People who bought the first generation Amazon Kindle.

Tucker Max Guys who haven’t convinced their girlfriends to try anal yet.

Alexis de Tocqueville Political theory and constitutional democracy majors.

Tom Clancy People who skipped school by hiding out in the gym.

Herman Hesse People who own one straw chair in their house.

Phillippa Gregory Women who have repressed their desire to go to Renaissance Festivals

Gabriel Garcia Marquez Men who can’t lie but will instead be silent if they know you don’t want to hear the truth.

Susan Wiggs Older women who are surprisingly loud during sex.

Nicole Krauss Girls who intern at Nylon but end up moving back to the Midwest for their real job.

Mitch Albom People who didn’t go to college but do well on crossword puzzles.

Stieg Larsson Girls who are too frightened to go skydiving.

Sue Grafton Women who have an @aol.com email address.

Seth Grahame-Smith People who own a smart phone which requires a stylus to use it.

David Baldacci No one. Even the police say Clancy before they’ll say Baldacci.

Michael Pollan The girl who just turned vegan to cover up her eating disorder.

Andrew Ross Sorkin People who refer to themselves as “playing devil’s advocate”.

O. Henry Men who have names like Earl or Cliff and were really close with their paternal grandfather.

Virginia Woolf Female high-school French teachers who have their master’s degree.

Michael Chabon People who hate Ayelet Waldman.

Ray Bradbury People who own golf head covers.

Joseph Heller People who love buying drinks for their friends. See also, people who cringe when they see their bar tab.

David Mitchell Women who live in any area of Brooklyn other than Park Slope, but may end up there someday and if that day comes, they will switch to Barbara Kingsolver fans.

Max Barry People who don’t mind the color orange.

Dean Koontz People who would never dream of owning any type of “toy” breed dog.

John Irving People whose parents are divorced.

Richard Dawkins People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.

Salman Rushdie People who google image search Padma Lakshmi late at night.

Albert Camus People who went to art school after “trying it out” at a public university.

Kurt Vonnegut People who played Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot.

James Joyce People who do not like John Cusack movies.

Charlaine Harris Elementary school teacher’s aids.

Jorge Luis Borges People who took care of their dying grandparents.

Terry Pratchett People who really like monkeys.

Oscar Wilde People who can’t resist anything. See also, people who claim they’re going to change but never do.

Truman Capote People who would never dream of owning anything that could be classified as a “knick-knack”.

Tom Wolfe People who don’t mind others smoking around them.

Neil Gaiman People who can name at least two Miyazaki films.

[source]

2010-07-14T17:37:00.000-04:00

The Tiny Buddha

2010-06-27T15:57:00.003-04:00

I don't know if I have told you all this or not, but I love to follow blogs. It is a bit overwhelming if I go two to three days without checking my Google Reader because it will be filled with anywhere from 225 - 250 blog entries. This is the reason why I check it three to four times a day. I find that I feel like I can spend more time enjoying them if I am not dealing with so many at once. There are some that I just kinda glance over. Some that I will read a bit and if it doesn't catch me then I move on. I have my favorites that I ALWAYS take the time to read and I have yet to be disappointed.
The Tiny Buddha is one of the ones that I always take the time to read. I follow them on their Twitter account and on Facebook too... just in case I might miss something.
I recently read one of their entries named 35 Simple Ways to Be Beautiful by Lori Deschene
It was just amazing. I have always had this battle when it comes to beauty. I can find beauty in almost every single thing and person in this world, even when I really don't want to, just find it hard to acknowledge it in me. Don't get me wrong, this is not going to be a pity blog at all... but reading these simple little ways really did help me see things that I hadn't before. And when Lori says simple, she really means simple. I hope that you take the time to read this blog and hopefully you will enjoy it as much as have and continue to enjoy it.

[photo source]

Hot Air Ballons and Boats

2010-06-27T15:11:00.002-04:00

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

Show Me Your Emmys!!!

2010-06-25T03:40:00.004-04:00

So if you know me personally you know I am HUGE Kathy Griffin fan. I only know of one other person that loves her as much as I do and that is my friend Jeanna. While watching the opening episode of the 6th season of Kathy Griffin My Life on the D List I notice that she is going to be in Southern Indiana at Horseshoe. I freak the fuck out. No really I did. I was texting Jeanna as fast as I could to tell her about it. She called me within 3 minutes and said..."Thomas (her husband) said it was ok to put the tickets on our credit card!!" Well, we had to wait 2 days before tickets went on sale and we got 5th ROW!!! What is better than that?? Jeanna said, "Happy Birthday, you don't have to pay me back!!" Yeah, life is good. So I am thinking about making a sign saying...
"Hey Kathy, show us your Emmys. (and by Emmys I mean your boobs!)
Think she will? I'll let you know!!
[photo source]

think your life sucks??

2010-06-22T15:07:00.001-04:00

2010-06-20T20:31:00.001-04:00

“Mamihlapinatapai: A look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.”

I still know how to type

2010-06-15T02:11:00.004-04:00

Calm down bubays, I promise you that I haven't forgotten how to type or form sentences. I know it has been a while since I have actually formed my own thoughts and put them on here but honestly I just haven't had that much to say. Now my close friends have either fallen off their chairs, have gone into shock, or are laughing so hard that they can not see through their tears... but honestly it is true. But let me tell you what I did Thursday.
I decided to bake. (Do I need to wait for my close friends to pull themselves together again?) In case you don't know... I am like a bull in a china closet when it comes to being in the kitchen. I don't cook that often and I bake even less. I just realized that you can use your oven for more than pizzas. No really, you can. So I decide that I wanted a cake that my Grandma used to make. I am not sure what it is really called but we called it orange juice cake. It is very simple... make a yellow cake - when it is done and just out of the oven you take a toothpick and poke holes all the way through it and pour a mixture of orange juice and powered sugar when that pretty much soaks up, load it up some more with powered sugar. Simple right? Well I used to just have Grandma make them for me, after she passed away I had my brother make them. Now that he has passed away, it was up to me. (Trust me, you do NOT want my mother trying to make a cake... that is a post for another day) So here I go... off to the store to buy all my ingredients. Yellow cake mix, orange juice, powered sugar. Then mom says to me "You know when Mother first started making it she used apricot nectar instead or orange juice." I thought, damn that will be good... 86 the OJ and add some apricot nectar. So it sits in the cabinet for a few days then I decide it is time to brave it.
I first start reading the instructions, I freak out because they are in Spanish.... then I looked up and saw that English ones so I moved forward. Now, let me just say there is nothing "instant" about measuring, adding, and timed beatings... those fuckers lied... but I continue on. OK, grease up a 13x9 cake pan. Hmm, I have a cake pan but I do not know what size it is. I look all over the stupid pan and wouldn't you know no where on there does it tell me what size this fucker is so I head to get my tool box so I can get the tape measure out... I have watched the Food Network for many many hours and I have never seen Paula Deen get the fucking tool box out to make a cake! OK, so I now figured out that I have a 13x9 pan. It is greased up, time to preheat the oven.... the idiots over at Betty Crocker decide to even complicate that. If you pan is glass or a light color preheat at this temp, if it is darker or blah blah blah heat oven to this temp. How dark is darker? Seriously? What color is darker? Ok, so I decide that it is a dark pan and preheat. So I move on to the next set of instructions. Add cake mix, vegetable oil, water, and 3 eggs into mixing bowl. Hmmm, what exactly makes a bowl a mixing bowl? I don't know so I put it in a bowl that my friend Jill brought over once since it is the biggest bowl that I have. Now I have to mix this on low for 30 seconds then on high for 2 minutes. Now when I first moved into this building (about 4 years ago) one of the LOLs (Little Old Ladies) bought me a hand mixer. It was still in the box all wrapped up in it original packaging. I also had to laugh and take a picture as I found that my MixMaster 2524 has a face!
I add all the ingredients stick mixer inside the bowl (yeah, I did think ahead and decide not to start it on the outside and go in) and turn it on. I quickly decide that my bowl was not meant to be used to mix with a mixer... but I make it work. I tell you though... by the time I was finished I came to the conclusion that before I attempt this again, I will purchase a large bowl and a spatula.... cause that poor plastic bowl and a knife to get the rest out with did NOT work well. Let's just say... Jill if you are reading this... you will NOT be getting this bowl back. That poor bowl was beat to death and went straight to the trash, well after I washed it... of course. (can't have dirty trash... don't ask, that is another blog for another day)
The rest of the baking process was nothing to write home, or uh, blog about. It turned out wonderful. If you decide to make this cake, I highly recommend that after you let the cake sit for about 30 minutes and let the juices all soak up, cover it up and sit it in the fridge. I think this cake is best served cold.
Don't judge it too hard, I took the picture before all the juice could finish soaking up. It was really good.

Twitter FAIL!

2010-06-15T01:38:00.005-04:00

I am not sure what is going on with Twitter but if I see this one more time...

I will make sure those birds carry that damned whale to the Gulf!!
[fail source]

Jerasphere Pollock

2010-06-15T01:29:00.005-04:00

I found this cool little program while I was surfing the net. It tracks your cursor moves and mouse clicks are marked by a dark circle.

This is one hour of StumbleUpon!
This is after 4 hours, which include 3 blog posts. I thought it was pretty cool.
Try it for yourself.

the force is strong with this one...

2010-06-04T17:30:00.001-04:00

a different stoke

2010-05-29T02:20:00.003-04:00

he had a different stroke

too soon?
nahhh, that shit is funny!!

just in case you need reminding...

2010-05-29T02:11:00.001-04:00

I am THAT awesome

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-10T03:35:00.002-04:00

Today I took my mom out to brunch, gave her a card, a new cell phone (look out world, she now has a flip phone!) and some flowers. After we came home, we chatted for a bit... I only wish I could have had this kind of conversation with her. I guess the true honesty really made me quite jealous of this boy's relationship with his mother. It is an animated short features a real-life interview between Sarah Littman and her son Joshua, a 12-year-old boy with Asperger’s.

Q&A from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

[source]

100th POST!!!

2010-05-05T17:31:00.002-04:00

In honor of my 100th post I thought I would share a little Batman getting down for ya!

Get your game on Caped Crusader!

Happy Cinco de Mayo

2010-05-05T16:22:00.001-04:00

Go Baby Go!

2010-04-28T18:39:00.004-04:00

For those of you not graced to be born in or currently living in the beautiful Commonwealth of Kentucky you might not know this but...
This. Is. Derby Week.
It is that special time of year when you can't depend on anyone in Kentucky for a damn thing because we have been partying since mid April and won't quit until the last horse passes the finish line at the Equine Cathedral known as Churchill Downs on the first Saturday of May each year.
The whole Kentucky Derby Festival starts exactly two weeks before the Kentucky Derby and is kicked off by Thunder Over Louisville.
Two 400ft barges filled with tons of explosives provides about 30 minutes of heart stopping fireworks for the 500,000 (on a year when the weather is cold and raining) to 700,000 drunken party animals filling up both sides of the Ohio River. Folks start staking out their spots as early as the day before to watch the Airshow when the sun is shining and the grand finale Gargantuan. IMHO, it is the greatest fireworks show ever, but why take my word for it... you can take the word of The Discovery Channel "Thunder is the Grand-daddy of them all"
There are tons of activities after Thunder and before the Derby. Bed Races, Pegasus Parade, Run for the Rose', Mini Marathon, The Great Steamboat Race, The Balloon Glow, Balloon Race, concert after concert, parties (tons and tons), and a fat girl's dream.... The Chow Wagon.
OOOHHH... the Chow Wagon. I loves it. Every single sinful wonderfully awful food that there is all at one time. Seriously. Damn near everything there is BBQ'ed, Derby sauced, deep fried, or rolled in powdered sugar to death. And did I mention... beer. Oh yeah, beer. Luke warm 5 seconds after you take the first drink, watered down, wonderful draft beer to wash down that deep fried Snickers bar while listening to the best local bands around.
The day before the Derby is Oaks Day.
This is the day when you find actual Kentuckians at Churchill Downs. The Lilies for the Fillies. Most businesses around the Kentuckiana area shut down on the Friday before the Derby just so we can all celebrate our own little holiday. Even the school district, well at least the private schools, rule Oaks Day as an "Administrative" day and the kids are dismissed from classes. Only fillies (female horses for those of y'all that don't know) are allowed to run this one race and instead of getting a garland of roses (as with the Derby) they get a garland of lilies. It has become more custom over the last few years to wear pink on Oaks Day for breast cancer awareness. They even have a Survivor Parade before the race where ladies that have survived the awful "c" word actually get to walk the track. Which is a big deal.
I should probably also just throw out there that the night before Derby is Derby Eve and this is the only day of the year that bars can stay open ... ready? 24 hours. Yes, on Derby Eve if the bar chooses, there is no closing time. God Bless Derby.
Then the big day. The first Saturday in May. The Run for the Roses. The sport of kings, the oldest, continuous sporting event in the United States, The Kentucky Derby.
Gentlemen smoke cigars and wear their best spring colored suits. Ladies sipping mint juleps in dresses and the bigger the hat the better. Before the first race of the day there is a prayer said, the Star Spangled Banner is played along with My Old Kentucky Home and those that were brought up right, stand and hum along. I admit that I get a tear in my eye every time I hear My Old Kentucky Home... call me a softy.. but I do. It is all prim and proper and full of pomp and circumstance until you hear the words... AND THEIR OFF... then all that shit goes right out the window and everyone screams, yells, and takes their program and beats on the closest thing to them to try and help their horse be the first across the line. Growing up at Churchill, I learned the majority of the curse words that I know from there. Nothing like it folks. When you hear the trumpet Call to the Post, watch the horses come out, and sip that mint julep... you know it is the best thing ever. If you are lucky enough to get close enough to the horses, you can see it in their eyes... they know they are the best of the best. Thoroughbreds are true athletes. They don't care about how much money they are running for, what shoes they are wearing, if they are on TV, or what silks they have on... they just wanna run, but on Derby day... I think they know.
Once the gates are open, two minutes later thousands are cheering, millions are tossing away useless tickets, and the winner goes in the history books and it is all over with.
It is amazing, it is thrilling, and my poor attempt at giving you a taste of how it feels to be a part of the Derby fails in comparison to actually being there. I hope that each of you get to come here and experience this for yourself.
OH.. and just so you know... my opinion... these are my top three horses for this year. We will see how I do.
Ice Box
Paddy O'Prado
Dublin
no certain order there... but those are the three getting a sure fire bet from me.

HAPPY DERBY EVERYONE!!

java

2010-04-21T06:50:00.002-04:00

There are few things in life that are more perfect than a cup of coffee. I have had bad coffee, I have made bad coffee, but with enough fixins... even a bad cup of coffee is still a good cup. So today, I hope that you have a day with a great cup of coffee!

2010-04-16T16:07:00.001-04:00

Milk-a-wha???

2010-04-09T14:47:00.003-04:00

If you haven't been reading the WTF section of your local paper, you may have missed the news that 20th Century Fox plans to adapt the E*Trade Baby commercials into a movie. It's the latest attempt by Hollywood to make a movie out of ridiculous source material.
Now don't get me wrong, I freaking love these commercials... SERIOUSLY... freaking love these commercials, but a movie? FACEPALM.

To my Peeps!

2010-04-03T03:48:00.006-04:00

So I met the Easter Bunny.
After talking with him for a while, I asked him for his business card.
He said that he had hidden several of them around the room.
Fucking Easter Bunny.

Happy Easter everyone!

2010-04-01T18:01:00.000-04:00

Just in case they are right...

2010-03-30T01:25:00.005-04:00

With so many different funerals that I have attended lately, I have been contemplating my own mortality. Not in a creepy "I need to sell everything and give out flowers in the airport" kind of way - but in a "bucket list" sorta way. Then being unemployed, I have been watching more of the History and Discovery channels which have been showing more and more documentaries about the Mayans and their calendar. So, with that being said... I have decided to come up with **drum roll**

10 MOST AWESOMEST THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO BEFORE 12/21/2012

(just in case the Mayans were right and in no particular order)

ride a motorcycle all along Route 66
punch Rush Limbaugh in the face (and this coming from the most non-violent, passive, non-threatening person you have ever met... but I really do hate him.)
sing back up in a Jim Nabors cover band. (not that I have my iPhone full of his songs, but I think it would be a lot of fun... of course I would have to learn Jim Nabors' music)
have a beer in County Longford Ireland with a relative that lives there.
go to Memphis and find an off the beaten path joint out in the middle of no where that only the locals know about and eat ribs, drink beer, and listen to REAL dirty blues.
write the novel that I know I have inside me dying to get out
go to Boston and watch the Red Sox play (and hopefully win) at Fenway Park
get all dressed up in an outfit that I can not afford and take my date to a fancy dinner then to the theater, opera, or ballet that I really can't afford (fuck money when the end of the world is near, bitches!!)
spend a romantic vacation in Amsterdam
help someone that is TRULY in need, the way other people have helped me through out my lifetime.

Please, feel free to comment with what is on your list.

One last thing, I have added a countdown widget so that we know just how much time we have left.

Stigmata!

2010-03-29T23:13:00.002-04:00

Stigmata! Stigmata!
I have crossed some kind of spiritual line and am now embodying the spirit of the Lord. Glory be! The Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost, the Jerasphere! This is incredible! Oh, wait a minute. That's just ketchup on my palm from my last hotdog. Oh, well. How silly of me.

Oh, how I love Yankee Pot Roast

2010-03-25T19:46:00.001-04:00

I heart...

2010-03-23T15:01:00.004-04:00

Today is a strange day for me. I really have no reason for it, but I just love things today... here is a short list (these are in no particular order)

Regan, who owns a lovely little tea shop here in our little podunk town, because she told me "You are made of awesome and win"
Maggie who upgraded and sold me her old iPhone. I have named it "My Precious" and feel a bit like Gollum with it. "We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious." Seriously, it has started keeping me up at nights. I think that I have an addiction. Do they make an app for that?
my mother, because she and her friends are lunching at Taco Bell. Some of my friends mothers go to lunches at fancy high priced white linen shindigs... not my mom, her down to earth self and her cronies prefer a run to the boarder! (just for the record, my best friend Jennifer, her down to earth mother always enjoys the tasty treats at Wendy's - we both come from good stock!)
JLW and her (as she calls her) furbaby Tula, because last week when I was having a bad day, I got a card in the mail... no really, like the postman brought an envelope to my mailbox... with a note inside from Tula and her no thumbs having self thanking me for the treats that I brought her when I went over for dinner a couple of weeks back. (I did send JLW a text telling her that Tula needed some extra belly rubbins for that!)
The 12 singles, that used to be 6 couples, that find the strength to move on. That shed their old skin and found new things that bring out the part of them that was lost when they were with their +1.
my friend Jill, who after 10 years working for a crap company... finally found a place that recognizes her, appreciates her, and rewards her for being the phenomenal woman that she is.
Jeanna, who told me the other day that I was "fine and thin" - ok, she is my hair dresser and she was talking about my hair... but I am still taking it and running with it!

Now don't worry. I am sure that the cynical, sarcastic, optimistic pessimist Jera that you have all grown to love will be back soon, so don't worry.... OH, there is another one...

Greta, who gave labeled herself as being an optimistic pessimist... even though, I really believe deep down she really isn't.

my how the times have changed...

2010-03-14T03:34:00.002-04:00

I can remember and it wasn't that long ago actually... that I would get a phone call at 7pm on a Saturday night from a friend with a wild hair and wanting to go somewhere. Normally these trips would end up in Indianapolis, Chicago, Nashville, hell even St Louis once, but tonight it was a different story.
My dear friend Jeanna (FYI-I met her in 1st grade and let me help you do the math, that was 35 years ago) called me, this is our conversation. I will be in green - she in purple... not sure why, but I always think of purple when I think of her.

FADE IN

Hello?
I am just calling to make sure you are not at home sitting on your ass.
Well, actually I AM sitting on my ass here at home.
The boys are playing video games and Lily is spending the night with Thomas' mother so I am going on a late night shopping run, get dressed and go with me.
Damn, ok!
Need coffee? I am stopping to get some.
No, I can't drink coffee this late at night anymore but a diet coke sounds good.
That sounds good, think I will get me one too.
Call me when you get to my place and I will down.

FADE TO BLACK

I have to admit that I have never gone anywhere with Jeanna that I have not had a good time. Even when her father passed away unexpectedly, at the funeral she managed to have a smile on her face and cut up with us. Tonight was no exception.
With our shopping shoes on, a combined total of 88oz of diet coke, and credit cards on hand we head of to Louisville to see what kind of treasures these two shopping pirates could plunder.
Our first port of call was Kohl's. After returning a shirt that Jeanna said made her look like a pregnant oompha loompha we hit the seasonal, towels, bedding, and the cookware sections. I love shopping with Jeanna because we both love the cooking section. Not that we are these award winning chefs or anywhere near it, but we like the way stuff looks in our kitchen. I love her for admitting that to me. After drooling over the Kitchen Aid Stand Mixers (on sale for $299) and all the really cool Food Network products we hit the clothing. She ended up with another shirt and I snatched up a pair of shorts and tee shirt (my basic summer wardrobe) both of us spending $30. (who is the better shopper there?? oh, I think we all know it is me)
Our next port of call was Meijer. I forget how much I really like this store. I completely lost track of time and before I knew it, it was after midnight. However, I did get my grocery, St Patrick's Day Drunko Bunco dish, and my mom's Easter basket shopping done. I was upset though that I left a bag there and unfortunately it was the bag with the receipt in it so I can't even prove that I left it.
OH - I almost forgot... while we were leaving and walking to her truck, I noticed that there was a car behind us that was going rather slow, then pulled up a couple of rows above us, then quickly swung back around, and as I was opening up the door to unload my cart, they rolled down the window and asked me if I knew where there was a liquor store that was open. Now being that it is past midnight, I politely informed them that I did not know of a packaged liquor store that would be open... but I had to wonder... Do I have drunken Irish chick written on my ass or something? I mean, you being the avid reader of this blog, would know that I love my alcohol... but these guys? Really?
After piling in the car and laughing about our trip so far, Jeanna says brings up the idea of food. I think she really meant a snack, like a bag of chips or something like that. Then appearing right before us is a Steak 'n Shake. I love Jeanna's reasoning for the next port of call... Well, its already past midnight, what harm can we do now? So off to Steak 'n Shake for a quick bite. We decided on kids meals. After ordering, Jeanna started laughing. I just gave her a funny look and she said to me... You know I wouldn't admit this in front of anyone else, but you know when we get up to the window he is going to look in the truck and see that there are no kids in here and he is going to say to the other workers in there... who do those fat bitches think they are trying to fool. Not thinking I mentioned that we could be bringing them back to kids and she gave me the Really? look and said... at 1am?? After getting a good laugh about that and adding that yeah they could have just finished a joint and had the munchies we saw a group of prom kids fueling up after the prom and before a drunken night of debauchery and we reminisced about our own proms. I will have to fill you in on that another time.
Finally get back to town at 130am, I look over at my chum and remind her that the time goes forward an hour tonight, so really... we are getting home at 230 am. We also knew it once was a Saturday night as we see a couple of cars pulled over and watched the drivers do the sobriety tests and had to laugh that this is probably the very first time that we have been out this at this time of the night/morning without drinking and joked about trying to get pulled over to see if we actually could pass a sobriety test sober.
So... after all the background story, let me get to the main reason for this post... even though I would still be up for rushing around to pack an overnight bag for that spare of the moment trip to an unknown location, as this pirate looks at 40 there is something really special about just doing some late night shopping with an old friend.

St Patty's Day

2010-03-11T16:30:00.003-05:00

So one of my most favorite holidays is coming up on us and I so love it. I love a day of drinking, laughing, and shenanigans that comes along with St Patrick's Day.

Éirinn go Brách!!

2010-02-26T13:34:00.002-05:00

see more dog and puppy pictures

been so busy lately, it is good just to veg today. I will be catching up on reading blogs and taking it easy! missed you guys!

N-word

2010-02-10T21:00:00.006-05:00

I am going to use the "n-word." I am going to use it three times.
NEENER NEENER NEENER!!!
Why, you ask? Because today I stayed in bed all day long. Seriously. All day long. I did get up once to use the bathroom, grab a root beer, and feed my facebook addiction. Now don't start a pity party for me because you think I have slipped into some kind of depression or something because it is not that at all. Look at my new foster child.
She is a 3 year old 52" Hitachi HD Dolby surround sound electronic gift of the gods. The guy that lives across the hall is moving and needed somewhere to store it for a few months, so it is not mine... yet. Although, I have a feeling that it might be all mine one day. I can feel myself getting more lazy as we speak.
I watched a marathon of Law and Orders today... don't start one episode because you will get sucked into watching them all day. I think there is an addictive additive in the Doink Doink.
I am not sure why, but I LOVE diet rootbeer. I especially love Big K Diet Rootbeer. Now, I don't want to drink it with anything. I like it by itself. And even though I know that there is no caffeine in it, it wakes my mouth up and puts a bit of zip in my step. Well, not today. NOTHING was going to be able to put a zip in my step today.
While searching for the above image, I found a website that this guy, Luke, has dedicated to judging rootbeers.
I am not sure why Luke feels that he has superior knowledge of root beer and why he feels the need to be so judgmental of my Big K (ranking it 110 out of 183) but for my money, it is the best for the money out there. 12 pack for $2.50 money well spent.

I HAZ FAIL BLOG PUBLISH!

2010-02-04T04:36:00.002-05:00

that's right, check me out!

2010-02-04T04:04:00.001-05:00

Follow Me on Twitter

2010-01-31T00:30:00.003-05:00

I stopped twittering for a while but I am back and more educated on it. I thought for the longest time that it was just too high maintenance for me... but I am all about it now. So follow me already!

Miss America and ice cream

2010-01-30T23:10:00.004-05:00

So, we all know how I am not afraid of posting the stupid things that I do. I still like to refer to them as my Jessica Simpson moments only because that will be the only time I will ever be compared to her.
So tonight I was watching the Miss America competition... wait, I think I am suppose to refer to it as a scholarship program... anyhow... I watch this every year. Most that meet me and I share this with them give me a strange look as I do not fit in the stereotype of someone that would actually follow this type of program, but I watch it for the same reason that some watch NASCAR. I watch it to see the wrecks and to judge those damned pretty bitches. I judge their looks, their talent, their evening wear, and most of all the interview portion. I was happy to see that Miss Kentucky, Mallory Ervin, was 4th runner up. I like it when a home grown girl does good.
So anyhow... I was sitting on the narcolepsy couch and watching Miss America wrapped up in my favorite down blanket and shivering and couldn't figure out why I was so damn cold and as I sat down my bowl full of ice cream it hit me... duh!
I think it is payback for judging all those pretty bitches. Then again, I was cold and had a blond moment... but I got to eat ice cream with chocolate syrup and cherries on top... so take that!!

2010-01-30T01:13:00.002-05:00

I asked myself, self am I crazy? Self replied - think about who you are talking to.

State of the Union Drinking Game

2010-01-26T23:45:00.002-05:00

Love this idea! State of the Union Drinking Game
Love the Huffington Post

My Fridge

2010-01-26T04:49:00.003-05:00

I came across this website and thought it was pretty damned cool. Mark Menjivar came up with this idea that he would take photos of the inside of people's refrigerator. It is called "you are what you eat." It inspired me to take a picture of my fridge and freezer so here you go.

freezer

fridge

door

Unemployed/Shelbyville KY/1-person household/40 yr old female that apparently likes to blog at 4am/2010

I really liked Mr Menjivar's photos much better than mine. I also have to admit that Red Cross Board Member that sleeps with a loaded .45 on his nightstand is a little scary though AND what about the one that ate only donuts for 2 years... wtf?

Mouse Potato vs Couch Potato

2010-01-24T04:39:00.004-05:00

So on my Google homepage I get the "Slang O' The Day" delivered to me whenever they decide to update it. I did have to chuckle at this one though...

Mouse Potato
Origin: Computer/Internet Slang
Definition: a person who spends all of their time online
Example: I wanted Jera to go with me to the movies, but she is such a mouse potato that she just wanted to stay home.

OK, so I changed the name to incriminate the guilty on the example, but it is the truth. My phone must have gone off 15 times this weekend with people trying to get me out of my apartment. I did manage to make it out on Thursday night though and spent it with my bestie Jennifer Lee, so don't go thinking that I NEVER get out. I just have it set up now to where it is hard for someone to come up with something that sounds like more fun than me just hanging out here and watching bad TV, Stumble!-ing the web, playing online poker, and spending way too much time on blogs and social networking sites.

This is my lovely unemployed home office. This was taken this morning at 4:34am. I know this because I can not sleep. You know this because I can not sleep and now you have to read about it. I have all the essentials there that any good Mouse Potato (which I will now refer to as MP as I am just that lazy) would need. Speaker set up with my Zune attached for some groovy tunes (when the TV is not on) smokes, butt-tray, wallet - for those times when I find something on Amazon that I just CAN NOT live without! - phone, laptop (of course), a blue machine Naked superfood smoothie, mouse (again of course), and my TV remote. What else does a girl need?

As you can see, directly to my right I have my TV... which, judging by the hair, is on a very old episode of Law and Order... so I can keep up with everything that I need to keep up with. Pay no attention to the stack of CDs and DVDs that are next to the guitar. If I were any better at this I would have edited it out so that you wouldn't think that I slob. I just have no idea what to do with them and they have just ended up there. The guitar by the way... yeah, I don't play. My mother one year for Christmas bought me that and a black leather jacket.... apparently she wanted Melissa Etheridge that year for a daughter... who knows!
I had to add these two pictures in here... see the mouse?
See where the mouse was? Yeah, that is how you know you spend a lot of time using it. I blame it on the games I play... or at least that is the excuse that I am using. Of course, now you also know that my desk is not exactly "wood" as it is more "wood like." HEY, when I find a real desk that I like and can afford, I will get it. I have been looking for a coffee table for over 2 years now, I am picky about stuff.
Wait, lack of sleep has kicked in and I believe that I have gotten off topic... oh yeah MP
I confess that I could be labeled as a MP. Granted while I am at home, I spend majority of my time sitting at this desk. It also doubles as a supper table, a bill paying station, and whatever else I need it to be. I research topics that I hear about on TV or read about while reading other blogs. I keep up with friends from high school and those that have moved away through Facebook and emails. Where if I spent the majority of my time on my self diagnosed narcolepsy couch, I would just be sleeping during shows.
So there you go... my name is Jera and I am a Mouse Potato but it is better than being a Couch Potato.

2010-01-22T20:13:00.001-05:00

2010-01-15T22:34:00.001-05:00

2010-01-12T12:36:00.001-05:00

2010-01-12T12:23:00.000-05:00

First Snow, First Chili 2010

2010-01-07T16:34:00.003-05:00

When you wake up in the morning and see this...

You know it is time for this...

not the sharpest tool

2010-01-06T14:41:00.005-05:00

I know most of you reading this would not admit to some of the stupid things that you do, well I... having more time on my hands than usual... I have been watching more and more TV and apparently you can make a shit ton of money by acting like a stupid idiot... so with that being said, here is my story for the day.

Last night I went to my mom's place for supper. My mom still cooks like her whole family is still around, even though it is just the two of us now. Needless to say, there were left overs. She packs me up my little Rubbermaid TakeAlong of goodies to bring upstairs and off I go. This afternoon I refry the fried taters and steak plus added a couple of eggs and had myself a great brunch. Now this is the unusual part. Normally I would load the dirty dishes and skillets in the dishwasher and let engineering take over from there, however... for whatever reason, I forgot to empy the dishwasher from the last wash... this is not normal for me. So I just decided that I would go "old school" or "throwback" and roll up my pajama sleeves (oh, how I do love unemployment) run a sink of steamy hot soapy water and dive in to wash them manually. Plate... no problem. Knife, fork, and spatula... clean sweep (forgive the pun.) Two skillets... over and out. The TakeAlong however about did me in. I scrubbed and scrubbed that damned thing and could not get the little dots to come off. Everybit of 5 solid minutes of trying to get the container and lid clean... then I remembered... my mom gave me a package of the same in my Christmas stocking. I take a look at them and realize that they are apart of the holiday collection and they sparkle. Five minutes I spent trying to scrub the sparkle off of the container. Fucking sparkle. FML.

Everybody's Free

2010-01-05T22:16:00.004-05:00

I was looking for a video on youtube to send to my friend Jeff for his birthday today and stumbled upon the video for this.
If you remember, it was actually written by a Chicago Tribune columnist, Mary Schmich in 97 and I believe in 99 MTV came out with this video with Baz Luhrmann providing the voice and it came out at graduation time. Because it had already started and I had never seen the video before, I decided to watch it. Then I went and looked at all the lyrics. I really believe that this speech/essay is wasted on graduates, unfortunately. I know that it means more to me now than when I first heard it 10 years ago, which incidentally was 10 years after I graduated in 87.) So, I have included the lyrics for you. I hope you enjoy.
Oh, and just for the record... Jeff is that most interesting 40 year old that still has no idea what he wants to do with his life... and for that he is my hero.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

seriously fucking cold

2010-01-05T11:52:00.005-05:00

ok, I am not trying to be a wimp here... however... when it gets down to 2 freaking degrees... fuck you it is cold! I stood outside this morning at 830 waiting for Cornbread to show up because she was giving me a ride to the unemployment office (always a fun trip every six weeks) and my nose hairs were freezing as I inhaled. Not that anyone really needs that much information, but hey... you are the one that decided to read my blog today.
I did have an eventful morning, was at the unemployment office at 845 done by 915 then Cornbread and I went to McD's for breakfast and I was back home, in my jammies, and sippin coffee by 10am.
OH... funniest thing said at breakfast today...
"Oh My God! There is that gay boy I made out with!!" Cornbread

2010-01-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

goodbye and good riddance

2009-12-31T18:47:00.002-05:00

So this is my last post of this awful year. From the moment it started it has sucked. I start 2010 with no job, no brother, no car, and fucking 40.... I am ready for it to be finished. 2009 has made me feel like I was drowning since it began. So fuck you 2009 and bring on 2010 because it will be a better year.

Touchdown Magic Hot Dogs

2009-12-31T15:39:00.004-05:00

So Sunday, a friend and I are in the drive thru at McDonald's... (she: sweet tea me: diet coke) and she turns to me and says... I have to go to TN Monday morning and will be coming back Wednesday afternoon, wanna go? Without hesitation, I said yes. I mean, what else do I have to do with my time? So at 7am we take off for a 4.5 hour / 300 mile trek to Troy TN. I pretty much left a one horse town to go to another town with two streets and both of them leave town. This is my 2nd trip to Troy. My first was a week long trip about 2 years ago. It's a quiet little town, very friendly and the food is amazing country cooking. They do not have fast food there, just two little small diners and you have to love that. I did learn quickly that you have to be careful when you order food there. Creamed potatoes = mashed potatoes. Field peas = black eyed peas. Corn nuggets = well, I am not real sure how to describe them... its almost like someone took some creamed corn and battered it and deep fried them. I did have a dressed bacon cheeseburger that had to be the biggest, messiest, most wonderfulest cheeseburger that I have ever had. The trip was not without some heart break though. The last time I was there, you could smoke wherever you wanted, now that TN has gone smoke free... you can only smoke in a few bars here and there. The two bars that we went to (which are the only two that we were sure that you could get something to eat and drink and smoke) my friend would order a Jim Beam and diet and then the bartender would look at me and I would order a Makers Mark and diet and twice I was told that they do not serve Makers. Now how in the world can a bar NOT serve Makers? Seriously?? Now, it is bad enough that there are no tidings of comfort and joy at these places, but what really got me was both responses as a solution was... "We got Crown." Now how in the world is Makers anything at all like Crown?? Bourbon : Blended Canadian Whiskey? Really?? OK, so enough about what they didn't have because I must tell you about a place called Touchdowns. WOW
Touchdowns was where we went on Tuesday night. It is located in Dyersburg which is approximately 20 minutes away from Troy. It is so small and even speaking as a smoker, that place was thick with smoke. We got there about 5:30 and the place was already packed with drunken shot takers that LOVED to play 70's rock on the jukebox. I got a big kick out of the bartender that came out to serve us our drinks and get us some food... she was at least 7 months pregnant but it worked out for her because she was using her baby bump/belly to carry more long neck bottles of Budweiser. The menu was great. We got a combo platter which included our choice of 3 items... chicken strips, jalapeno poppers, and the almighty cheese sticks. We both ate on it the whole time we were there and still could not finish it all (not bad for $10.) While deciding what to eat though, we looked through the whole menu.... the very last two sentences made me almost wet my pants.
"Kitchen Open Until 10pm"... not that funny but add... "Touchdown Magic Hot Dogs Served All Night"... and that is just funny. What exactly are "magic" hot dogs and how are you going to serve them if the kitchen is closed? I had to ask the "2 for 1" bartender what one was... she looked at me with a confused look and responded with... I have no idea, I have never served one. Scary! I have to admit though, Touchdown Magic Hot Dogs would make a great name for a gay bar though!

2009-12-27T20:54:00.000-05:00

Watching movies backwards...

2009-12-26T16:10:00.007-05:00

In case you were wondering....

If you watch the movie "Jaws" backwards, you see a shark that throws up people until they have to open up a beach.
If you watch the TV show "Lost" backwards, you realize it is the same thing as if you watched it forwards.
If you watch the TV show "Heroes" backwards, you realize that it gets progressively better.
If you watch the TV show "Friends" backwards, Courtney Cox seems to get older somehow. I believe it is her hair.
If you watch the TV show "House" backwards, it is still never Lupus.
If you watch the movie "Rambo" backwards, it is Sylvester Stalonne healing people with his magic bullet vacuum and he can repair helicopters with nothing but his bow and arrow.
If you watch the movie "Fight Club" backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy street person into a successful and productive member of society.
If you watch the 1997 version of "Episode IV" backwards, Greedo shoots first.
If you watch the movie "Memento" backwards, it still makes fucking sense.
If you watch the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy backwards, you see a little boy that gets a really cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the movies walking home.

source

Hello, my friend, hello

2009-12-25T20:52:00.005-05:00

Well hello old friend. (Ok, honesty time... I am so humming Neil Diamond right now...)
Yes, I know it has been far too long. What can I say? I really have no excuse for not coming back to you sooner than this. I am not sure I have had anything really to say and honestly not really sure if I have too much to say even now... but I know I have to get back in the saddle sooner or later and thought that sooner was better than later.
The really only truly interesting thing that has happen in the last month and a half is I turned a year older... or as I was saying from my years playing video games... I got 1-up'ed, which means that I am now officially old... well older.
I am not really sure what I thought 40 would be like... I mean did I think I would wake up and suddenly start craving a cup of Sanka and suppers at 4pm? Ok, well supper at 4pm doesn't really sound all that bad, actually. Truth be told, I don't feel any older than I did when I was in my early 20's. Granted there are a few things that my body can't do as well as it used to and I think I am a bit smarter than I was back then, but all in all... not that much is different from me now than then. A friend, JLW, once said that she was just happy to turn 40, just to get it over with. I didn't understand why she would say that, until now. I am 40 and in the words of Garfield, big fat hairy deal.
Today is Christmas day and I had Christmas dinner (and gift giving of course) with my mom. It was nice, even though it was just the two of us. She only broke down once, (due to my brother's sudden and unexpected passing a few months ago) which was a good thing. Truth be told, she is probably handling this year better than I am.
So now I am enjoying the last bit of this Christmas night watching really bad Christmas movies and babbling on to anyone that will end up reading this. I am going to try to keep up with this blog better in the new year. I warn you now though... I refuse to change the names to protect anyone... innocent or not.
I hope you all had a wonderful time with your family and friends. I am now going to enjoy my tidings of comfort and joy aka... Makers Mark.

how i roll....

2009-11-07T06:02:00.002-05:00

so true

2009-11-05T22:02:00.002-05:00

butterfly visit

2009-11-05T19:16:00.002-05:00

click on the picture to enlarge and see the whole thing...

Check out more pix at uberpix.net!

2009-10-22T16:37:00.001-04:00

back in the saddle?

2009-10-09T12:47:00.003-04:00

Sorry folks, I know I have been MIA for a couple of weeks. Been a rough time. I am trying to do better though. I am actually getting out of town for a couple of days to hopefully clear my head. I don't know if I will be taking my laptop or not, but I will be bringing my notebooks, so if I get the urge, I can at least get it on paper and then transfer it for the world to see later.
In the mean time... Sara Smartass Supreme posted this and I am all for some mindless posting right now... so here you go... you get to find out... just how DUMB I AM!

How DUMB are you?
The more [x]’ s the “dumber” you are.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[x ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle (I am checking this one because I have actually fallen OFF a moving vehicle....)
[x] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself
[x] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks
[x] You have run into a tree/bush.
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow
[ ] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[ ] You just tried to sing them.
[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit .
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[x] You’ve never seen the Matrix.
[ ] You type only with two fingers.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling. (give me a break, I was just waking up!)
[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair
[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you (that actually happens to me a lot)
[x] You are often told to use your “inside voice”. (what they don't know is that I don't have one)
[x] You use your fingers to do simple math
[x] You have eaten a bug (not on purpose)
[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important (sadly, I have nothing pressing me for importance)
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
[x] You have ran around naked in your house.
[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[x]You tilt your head when you’re confused
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before
[x] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall
[ ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.
TOTAL: 26
I am (26/37)*100 = 70% DUMB !!!

Congratulations Sara, you are in good company!

2009-09-26T19:29:00.002-04:00

I have taken a few days off from blogging. I have gone through some unreal shit. From getting laid off on Monday to my brother passing away from a sudden massive heart attack on Tuesday, the only thing I can say is that I hope that next week will be better. I am going to take a few more days off, but hold tight friends... I will be back soon and the sarcasm will continue to flow.

Kreativ Blogger

2009-09-17T10:17:00.003-04:00

Sara the Smart Ass nominated me for a Kreativ Blogger award, which is pretty cool and I appreciate it coming from her. (Oh, by the way, I realize that I change her name with every post, but since Big Bird is my leader and I do what he says and he says to... well you understand)
The rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (check)
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. (check)
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. (check)
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might not know. (check)
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers. (check)
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. (check)
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated. (no check -- let them figure it out...)

7 things you may not know about me:

1. I have an unnatural obsession with midgets. I can't help it. I love those little bastards.
2. I like to go to Wal-Mart and mullet watch. (midget with a mullet SCORE!!)
3. Almost everyone that meets me and most that know me think that I am an extrovert when actually I am actually an introvert. I make myself get out and meet and talk with different people because if not, I would sit in my little one bedroom apartment and never leave.
4. I am probably the only Southern chick in the world that hates the following...
sweet tea, lima beans, corn, ketchup, and potatoes. I trusted a dear friend with this information once and his words to me were... "GET THEE NORTH YANKEE" which makes me laugh if you knew him you would laugh too
5. I had a huge crush on Rick Springfield growing up. I still kinda do.
6. I want to go to Vegas one day and see Tom Jones while I am there.
7. I am listening to iTunes as I fill this out and Mr Roboto is now playing by Styx.

Passing the award on to 7 Kreativ Bloggers:

1. 100 Ways to Kill a Peep
2. 70's Child
3. Fuck You, Penguin
4. My Girlfriend is Ridiculous
5. My Milk Toof
6. Retrospace
7. your status is annoying

(Disclaimer: the order of the blogs corresponds with how much they paid me to put them on the list.)